Tom Reynolds

I freaking love this- fake Harry Potter books are for sale in China! I am reading The Last Harry Potter as we speak (no spoilers please!), but I really want to read some of these:

Chinese Market Awash in Fake Potter Books – New York Times:

“These include “Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Relative Prince,” a creation whose name in Chinese closely resembles the title of the genuine sixth book by Ms. Rowling, as well as pure inventions that include “Harry Potter and the Hiking Dragon“, “Harry Potter and the Chinese Empire,” “Harry Potter and the Young Heroes“, “Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon“, and “Harry Potter and the Big Funnel“.”

My guesses on the plot for these:
“Harry Potter and the Hiking Dragon“. The Dragon comes out of hiding with the crouching tiger and he’s ready for some campfire side fun. Kum bah yah and bring your own marshmallows to this rollicking tale!
“Harry Potter and the Chinese Empire,” A truly splendiforous tale about Harry’s life after graduating from the First Hogwarts Normal School of Hunan, when he travels with Professor Yang Changji, his high school teacher and future father-in-law, to Beijing during the May Fourth Movement in 1919. Turns out that Professor Yang holds a faculty position at Peking University. Thanks to Yang’s recommendation, Harry works as an assistant librarian at the University with Li Dazhao as curator. Harry registers as a part-time student at Beijing Wizards University and audits many lectures and seminars by famous wizards such as Chen Duxiu, Hu Shi, Qian Xuantong, etc. During his stay in Beijing, he read as much as possible, and through his readings, he is introduced to Communist theories. Read More
“Harry Potter and the Young Heroes” It’s Harry Potter, only with Young Heroes instead of those losers Hermione, Ron et al. About time eh?!
“Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon” Harry is very bored and sleepy while sitting with his older half-sister outside, until he sees a White Rabbit looking at his watch and talking to himself. He follows the Rabbit down a very deep rabbit hole and ends up far beneath the ground in a hall with a tiny locked door that leads to a beautiful garden. He eats and drinks things that make him change in size, but he is still unable to get through the door into the garden.

When he becomes huge, he cries in frustration and when he shrinks, he is small enough to swim around in a pool made of her own tears. In the pool, he encounters many creatures, including a Mouse. The creatures and Harry manage to get out of the pool and dry off, but Harry is soon left alone…
“Harry Potter and the Big Funnel” Simply put, this is the greatest Harry Potter tale of all. Let me set the scene..

Take one Harry Potter and add a fuck-off BIG FUNNEL and that’s about the sum of it. Harry Potter, BIG FUNNEL…!

*Details!!* I hear you cry?!?

Ok.

Harry P…& a Big Fuck Off Funnel.

The end.

Highlight in a year of (Australian) lowlights:

I don’t care who you are, you need to watch this and see if you “get it”:

For the life of me I just could not get enthusiastic about The Simpsons Movie

Until now. Go make your own avatar:

Awesome!

Now for some sensible talk | The Australian Janet Albrechtsen Blog:

“PHEW, Live Earth is over. The seven concerts on seven continents featuring a bunch of jet fuel-addicted rock stars summed up the problem with much of the talk about climate change. Hypocrisy aside, the climate change rockers and other zealots would have us believe there is no problem more uniquely modern than climate change. When it comes to mapping out solutions to this most 21st century of problems, history can teach us nothing. We are on our own. Right? Well, actually, no. Wrong. Dead wrong.”

Yes Janet, maybe history can teach us.

For starters, I have no problem with Rock Stars (and Al Gore et al) flying around the globe to spread the message. It’s a standard line the deniers: “if they are anti Co2, why do they fly?”. It’s so tired and lame that I guess I can only address it by saying this:

Its the same as those who sent troops to Iraq to fight for peace. See, you create more of the problem (war/Co2) to prevent/reduce the problem (war/Co2).

The difference is that you can’t really fight for peace in a country like Iraq. The more you fight, the more you encourage fringe thinkers into becoming outright fighters against you.

In contrast, people can get on board with reducing their carbon foot print. They don’t have to kill anyone to do it. They can save money into the bargain. win/win.

Still, as a national columnist it’s difficult to give any real thinking to this. You just have to job out something controversial and topical every three or so days, so skipping on the thinking part is de rigeur.

And before I get shouted down for being a motoring journalist talking about carbon footprints etc, I’d like to point out the following:

• Despite all my talking/writing/blogging about cars, I don’t actually own one.
• I catch public transport a lot- I have a 10 trip ticket in my wallet at all times.
• When I do need to make a vehicular trip, I ride my low carbon output motorcycle, or ride my bicycle or, heaven forbid, I walk.
• I am about to start offsetting my car tests.
• I have been pushing via my on air appearances hybrid cars (special on the 18th July, already did a feature on the Volt electric car in December of 2006, and called for F1 to be a hybrid category in the coming years)

Sportal > Motorsport > News
Valentino Rossi:

“‘We’ll need to find new motivations because we’ve already won everything,”Rossi, a five-time world champion, told Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport.”

I think this is the first sign that he is beaten. When you talk about how you are satisfied with your achievements, you show the present is not that important to you. When you say you need new motivations when you are not even leading the championship as you so comfortably have done so in the past, you show you are beaten.

Casey Stoner, now is the time to play the very same game as Rossi has played on so many before him. Get into the press talk about someone else as your main rival. Talk about how you think other riders believe they can take it up to Rossi. Press home this psychological advantage. Remember: Rossi would break you like he broke Gibernau, Biaggi and any one else who tried to get on the same anthill. It’s Karmic retribution, but it’s also how this sport works.

This is what the line in the sand looks like:

Look at that fat bastard. 100 kilos of double chin.

So, given I have had enough of looking like Eddie McGuire, what to do about it?

The way to lose weight is pretty simple: burn more than you consume (sort of like Co2 offsets). You could go on a diet of raw lard and as long as you burn it off, then you’ll lose weight. Your arteries will be clogged like a Russian mine after a cave in, but you’ll have calves to die for. (apologies/thanks Bill Hicks).

So I’m attacking it on multiple fronts. I bought a footy for kicks in the park with Rachel. She kicks it (badly. Sorry babe, but while you can boot it further than most MEN, your accuracy leaves a little to be desired) and I run and get it and kick it back. My reco’d knee dislikes this activity, but that’s because my knee does not like the 100 kilos (+ g-forces) bashing through it. Tough luck bungo!

I also re-jigged my Cannondale bicycle with new tyres and what-nots (a service is next). I stopped kidding myself about how much I go mountain biking and put road semi slicks on it and run them at 65psi. Rolling resistance is perfect!

It’s still lovely to ride and it was most gratifying to know I can wheelie 1km+ as ever. Even when fat.

So I rode to work yesterday as an opener and it was AWFUL. The ride home was better and faster so already my body is adjusting to the need for exercise.

Exercise covered. I’ll ride in 3 days a week; work schedule permitting. I’ll also kick the footy on weekends and ride a bit where possible. I’ve broken out the winter wetsuit, so if we get some wind on the weekend, I’m up for that to.

Now for the diet. Here’s what’s out:

• Mid afternoon Sneaky Snickers bar. Dried apricots/carrots: in.
• Three coffees a day with sugar and full cream milk. In: skinny latte and sweetener.
• Crumpets with lashings of butter and peanut butter. In: sultana bran & skinny milk.
• Fast food for lunch. In: soups, salads, sandwiches.
• Big dinners. In: light dinner, early dinner.
• Mid week alcohol. No more nightly beers. In: occasional mid week red wine.
• Mid morning bacon and egg sandwich. In: not skipping breakfast.

Current weight: 100kgs. 220lbs.
Initial goal weight: 91kgs This will move my BMI to 24.9 (normal!)
Ultimate goal weight: 85kgs

Current BMI: 27.5
[calculate your BMI]

• Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
• Overweight = 25-29.9
• Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

More:

• Fatblogging
• Jason Calacanis: fatblogging

I finally folded to pressure, I twitter. Already I like it. Here’s the guff:

Rushdie and Lakshmi to divorce | News | Guardian Unlimited Books: “Only two weeks on from his acceptance of a knighthood, which provoked an international furore, Salman Rushdie is in the news again. He and his wife, Padma Lakshmi, are to divorce after three years of marriage.”

This was one of those marriages where many men were like “yeah, you go dawg!”. Others were just old fashioned jealous. Some felt it had a touch of the J. Howard Marshall/Anna Nicole’s. Me? I just wished I could write like ol’ Salman (without the Fatwah mind you, that would be rather inconvenient)