Tom Reynolds

Those wacky New Zealanders…:

NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow

It was a bloody silly idea in the first place, but New Zealand’s badminton world may finally have to concede that calling the national team the “Black Cocks” really is a bit too strong, the New Zealand Herald reports.

Badminton New Zealand adopted the name a year ago as “a gimmicky label to attract sponsors and fans”. It worked to a degree, because the organisation was quickly innundated with cash offers from companies such as – you guessed it – condom manufacturers.

Furthermore, Badminton NZ prez Nigel Skelt confirmed: “At the recent New Zealand Open, crowds were yelling out ‘c’mon the Black Cocks’. Whether the team actually adopt the name officially, they’re already known as the Black Cocks.”

Holy hand-on-cock batman!

1/ They go fast in a straight line
Like WHOA! fast. 0-100 under 3 seconds. The sort of acceleration that even half a million bucks worth of car can’t manage. Every novice pillion I’ve taken for a ride have just comprehensively shat themselves once I “give it a crack”.
2/ When you go round corners fast its unlike anything else.
Coz you lean into said corners. Weird. Scary. On edge.
3/ The people you meet.
A nod at the lights. The ones who pull over when they see you on the side of the road. Just to check you are ok.
4/ It’s dangerous.
In a world of ever increasing cotton wool, motorcycles are raw, dangerous and the realness.
5/ To connect spiritually

Ah screw it! The reason I ride is to get pics like this:

I think you’ll find me in the middle here.
And this:

Holla!

Oh it’s lovely. Really lover-ly!

Despite having a name that is as awkward as PIN number, the new “old” Ducati SportClassic Sport 1000 is a pretty lil thang- especially in Ducati red:

A CAFÉ RACER FOR A NEW GENERATION

The bold café racer style and essential beauty of the Taglioni’s Sport 750s, delivering modern Ducati performance and road-going savvy. The Sport 1000 introduces many new features that reflect fondly on the past, while being interpreted in a thoroughly modern way

I realise this might strike you as product placement- but frankly… ermm, no kickbacks.

Ducati SportClassic Sport 1000

The holy grail of undersea filming has, for a long time, been to film a *live* giant squid.

It must come as a suprise to most to learn that while we know exactly what a giant squid looks like, it has never been seen in teh wild. Mostly due to the fact it 1/ is deep, man 2/ dies before being brought to the surface when caught in a net/hook/cray pot.

“This has been a mystery for a thousand years,” said Richard Ellis, author of “Monsters of the Sea” (Knopf, 1994). “Nobody knew what they looked like in the wild. We only saw them dead. These images will open the door to more detailed study of their life.”

So I am *excited* about seeing this video!

See the article

As I have my Hotmail inbox set to “exclusive”, I occasionally go and check what’s in the “Junk Mail” just be to be certain I’m not missing out on any good stuff.

To think, I nearly missed out on this:

From : Bar20
Reply-To : info@bar20.com.au
Sent : Wednesday, September 28, 2005 12:19 PM
Subject : Blokesworld presents “Miss DownUnder”

Dear thomas reynolds,

What do dancers think of Global Warming, the Selling of Telstra and the War on Terror?

Find out when these naked chicks perform a show, then get quized on politics and current affairs. Should be interesting!!

Check out our celebrity judges and get your mug on TV!!

Look, when I go to the nudies, I go to see the nudies. Or so I thought. This might change things forever: what if the girls turn out to be intellectual GIANTS with opinions, politics and insights that match mine? What if they offfer insights into the male psyche that has previously gone unnoticed? What if I find them awesomely interesting as well as hellishly sexy? Could my relationship be in trouble? What happens when I start going to Bar-20 et al for the intellectual discourse/rigorous debate? *cue your own ‘mass-debate’ pun morons!

That aside…
I love Blokesworld. Ado and Wah are not strictly speaking “my people” but I do find myself making the effort to watch ‘em most weeks. If you haven’t caught the segments like “pole position”, “you-me carpark NOW!”, “Ms Blokesworld’s Good Sports” and the “half-time show” then what’s stopping you? Channel 10 late nights Fridays.

RAPID Bikes Magazine hits the stands today, with my article a major feature. I have already received an email of support from one of the riders- Dean Bonthorne- we took out to Calder for a night of Drag Racing:

Hiya Tom,

Just got the latest issue of Rapid with the Calder story. Awesome stuff!!

Just thought you’d all like to know a follow-up on the line “Dean has that 600 launching like a bullet. Watch out for him in Superstock starts”. Since Calder I’ve achieved the following:

ASC Rd5 : WINTON	GRID POS’N -> TURN 1	ASC Rd 6 : QLD R’WAY	GRID POS’N @ TURN 1
Race One	8th -> 3rd (Up 5 places!)	Race One	16th -> 9th (Up 7 places!!)
Race Two	8th -> 6th (Collision on grid)	Race Two	16th -> 6th (Up 10 places!!!)
Race Three	8th -> 12th (Spun tyre in rain)	Race Three	16th – > 13th (Mono’d. Oops!)

QLD Qualifying nightmare aside, not too shabby, eh!! On average I’ve been leaving my gird row compatriots for dead, and passing most of the guys on the row ahead!!

If anyone has his e-mail, please pass this on to Maurice, and to all at Rapid.. “THANKS!!”

Cheers,
Deano #66

Sweet!

Rapid Bikes
Dean Bonthorne’s poage

Sure, it’s great that maybe, perhaps, possibly North Korea is going to enter into meaningful, long-term dialogue with the rest of the world and give up it’s nuclear aspirations and focus on trivial things like feeding their people.

But something need to be done about Kim Jong Il’s seriously fucked up clothing range and fashion sense:

“This get up is going to make me spew”

“I got it going on, just ask the guy behind me…”

“This is how I cope with not winning ‘Next Fashion Statesman Idol’. I drink to feel real”

*update Cos found this. I have no idea how. He just likes these things.

Presently I find myself working for an institution that is beginning to feel like an institution- as in “boing boing nut nut”. Walking downstairs and outta here to get a coffee as (once again) we are without milk for the appalling Nescafe Glen 20 coffee, I hear the sound of choir type singing.

The room the singing is coming from is open, so I naturally have a squizz. What I see gives me a cold shock. It’s a bunch of charismatic God bothering Christians doing the Hillsong thing. The singing is rather good, but this does not mean I can stand the vision of them standing there, arms out in front with palms facing upward, eyes closed and doing the fucking “swaying” thing. The swaying thing where you impersonate Stevie Wonder physically while beng swept up in the majesty of God.

Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.

So, as I go for my medium Latte/2 sugars, I ponder the God botherers and wonder how many are amongst us these days. Are they my doctor, lawyer, lolly pop lady? Given I make next to no use of these folk, we’re pretty tickety boo. But what if it’s my mechanic, tyre fitter etc. Shizer!

Rather than ponder this horror, I decided to look up “God Botherer” on Wikipedia: NO LISTING. In the event anyone wants to help, please leave in the comments. Not that anyone does, but please leave your definition of “God Botherer” and I’ll make my first Wikipedia entry.

Current listing on Wikipedia

Read my next post to see a quote from the great man in action. In the meantime: enjoy.

Meg Wood got me into Bill Hicks. That’s one thing I could thank her for. I wonder what Bill would make of her today?. Tail pipe? hmmmm

“By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising, kill yourselves. Thank you, just planting seeds, planting seeds is all I’m doing. No joke here, really, seriously, kill yourself. You have no rationalization for what you do; you are Satan’s little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself NOW. Now back to the show. Seriously. I know marketing people are going to be like, “There’s going to be a joke coming up.’ There’s no fucking joke: suck a tailpipe, hang yourself, borrow a pistol from an NRA buddy, do something. Rid the world of your evil fucking presence; OK, back to the show….

You know what bugs me, though? I know everyone here who’s in marketing is now thinking the same thing: ‘Oh, cool, Bill’s going for that anti-marketing dollar; that’s a huge market.’ Aaaaaa, quit it, quit it! Don’t turn everything into a dollar sign, please! ‘Ooo, the “plea for sanity” dollar; huge, HUGE market! Look at our research.’”

And we now have proof

FORGET the fit, rugged, 30-or-so-year-old navigating flood plains and climbing mountains in snazzy four-wheel-drives depicted in commercials.

In reality, the drivers are often obese, aggressive, intolerant and aged in their 40s or 50s.

An Australia Institute study has found that city owners of large four-wheel-drives are less community minded than other drivers, less charitable, more likely to be homophobic and have a low opinion of Aboriginal culture.

It also found they are more likely to use force to get their way.

Based on a Roy Morgan Research survey in 2003-04 of 24,718 people aged 14 and over, it found the typical city four-wheel-drive owner is a man in his 40s or 50s in full-time work with a higher-than-average income.

Two-thirds of their drivers in the city are overweight or obese.

They also had a lower regard for the welfare system than the rest of the population.

“These drivers tend to see themselves as rugged individualists who like physical activity,” the report’s authors, Clive Hamilton and Claire Barbato, said.

Of course GENUINE 4WDers (like we met on our trip) are delightful folks.

But, for the rest of you maniacs: Kill yourselves- suck a tailpipe, hang yourself, borrow a pistol, do what you gotta do*

*apologies Bill Hicks.