Tom Reynolds

For Sale: 1 Triumph Speed Triple 2002 model *sniff*

12/ BRING ME A BEER! Yes, overseeing a site like this is damned thirsty work, and with well trained staff like Rachel on hand. there’s nowt to fear dehydration-wise. With a beer at my knee and a near ready tent, I’m ready to RELAX!

Your host shows a bit of form as he posts a 11.554 @ 120 mph, Calder park last night. It’s all for a forthcoming story I’m writing.

11/ Rachel can happily go about her day- trying to get me to confuse her movment with action. I didn’t become a SHIT HOT purveyor of tent ERECTION knowledge by accident- no way. She needs to get the lid on the plaastic box, pull the wrinkles out of the floor of the foyer and GET ME A GODDAMN BEER.

Why you should never take a circuit racer drag racing.

10/ Finally She closes the fucking car door. Sweet Jesus that was getting to me. You can see that Rachel is wondering about how the hell she’s going to get that guy rope rigged and in the ground:

Step 9/ “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” As you can see here, dearest Rachel has pretty much screwed the pooch. If she’s going to pump up the jams and kick them out while at it, then holy sweet Jesus, UNBLOCK THE FUCKING TENT DOOR! That old expression “what, were you born in a tent?” takes on frighteningly realness. If you were born in this tent, man would you be confused. Just getting out of the tent would be like being reborn. And rebirthing only really need happen once you realise that it’s all mummy’s fault.

Before I get complaints, these pics are in correct chronological order, it’s just that Ms Rachel has actually taken down one pole and put up another. Just like a porn star.

Step 8/ Comment: “NO YOU CAN’T PUT ON ANY FUCKING DIDO- LET IT GO!”. Damn she’s lazy and easily distracted with thoughts of crappy English singers.

While the foyer has started, it is, frankly, piss-fucking-poor. It’s hanging off a single pole wilting like the national flag of Greenland (I assume this is a green flag, I also assume that the folk their have some sort of sovereignty and bicameral, or similar, system and on top of that have a flag that reflects the name if not the colour of their country. This may prove a moot point as I’m told Greenland is ice and Iceland is Green. So let’s imagine the tarp is the Icelandic flag, which once again would have to be green. Ahh fuckit, let’s pretend it’s the Irish flag- but without the orange and white bits.) SO GET TO WORK AND GET THE FOYER DONE!

Wow, this is taking a long time… and I am getting thirsty.

Step 7/ Tell Rachel to “Stop fucking crying about my laziness and get going with the foyer”. *note sun angle getting very low. It could be dark any second now. Tell Rachel her bum looks… no don’t mention the bum. Just concentrate on keeping. very. bloody. still.

Step 6/ Having removed the MESS that was the fly FROM THE FUCKING GROUND Rachel neatly applies the fly to the tent. This process only takes four hours, 3 pints of blood and 300 swear words. WERD!