Tom Reynolds

MotoGp wraps up for 2004

Last nights race was great- but not for the reasons you’d think. My highlight? The grace, dignity and downright style of a Mr Troy Bayliss. I was all set to hear him give Ducati a blast and he chose the more damaging, cooler opposite path.

Other highlight – Darryl Beattie’s call when the camera showed Checa dusting himself off after yet another off: “DUCATI!!… GET USED TO IT!” classic! This followed Billy Woods’ call on RPM that he was, frankly, actually BUGGERED if her knew what Ducati was thinking. I wonder what Bazza would say? Probally a lot of blue work!

The season is over, and having seen Bayliss so gallent at his press conference I had a think about what the riders might say if they were brutally honest about themselves and their performances:

Biaggi: y’know you might be right, I might be the biggest whiner and choker ever… and thats a record that no one can take. yeah I had the bike, tyres, team and the timing could not have been better, but I guess I’m not good enough. Shit happens

Edwards: Look, I guess I as trying to be funny when I suggested we take forks off a 2000 model superbike and put them on a 2004 RCV. It chattered so much I lost two teeth. I knew they’d taken it too far when i suggested we try the rear shock out of a CX500 and the handlebars from an XR80- and there they were, ready to go on. On the plus side no one blew me up this year.

Checa: I regard MotoGP as a show, and part of that show is crashing as often as possible..

Melandri: Same goes for me.

Xaus: Me too!

Barros: …and for my next trick I will get an F1 drive with no track record, no prospects and no hope!!

Kenny Roberts: I’m actually quite in to MotoGP- from a spectating perspective.

Kurtis Roberts: No, fair enough to say that, this has been the worst year of my life and yes, it’s mostly my dad’s fault.

Hoffman: I can only put Nakano’s success down to the fact he is much better than me and I am way out of my depth.

Ellison/Ui/Fabrizio et al: We’ve had a great year in World Superbikes… err whats that you say?

Nakano: It’s been an interesting year, if you rate a tyre delamination at 200 miles an hour down the main straight as interesting.

Hayden: Some folks mighta said it was foolish to fall offa that there Supermoto bike. But I say it was damn foolish.

Gibernau: Just when you thought I was going ok, I show you the Gibernau of old! Thank you all! please try the fish and tip your waiteresses….

Hopkins: Yes, I’m well pleased to have signed with Suzuki for the next 100 years. A lot of people say “when you’re on a good thing, stick to it”. But I’m not a lot of people…

McWilliams: [no one can compete with what Jezza actually does say]

Rossi: This year has been really tough. Hardest, most difficult year of my life. It’s been quite unbelievable- the pressure, the expectation, the bike, the racing, the competitors.

Actually, just kidding. It was a piece of piss. As always..

~~~~~~~~

Roll on 2005~!

MotoGP official site

Troy Bayliss- official site

MC News Australia

Bikepoint.com.au

Some appreciate my work…

Bikepoint article

Throwing out the Bayliss with the bathwater

Australian Troy Bayliss has been dumped by MotoGP team Ducati for the 2005 season. Nearing the end of a disappointing second season in MotoGP, Bayliss was told by Ducati at last weekend’s Malaysian Grand Prix that he would not be asked back.

Ahhh motorsport team management… Is there a sport where the player gets blamed more? In European/English soccer if the team goes badly, the coach goes. Same in AFL, rugby and almost every other sport. But in motorsport, and especially MotoGP, it’s the poor bastard rider.

Last year Australian Kawasaki MotoGP riders Gary McCoy and Andrew Pitt paid the price for Kawasaki’s god awful and (according to Alan Cathcart) dangerous shitbox of a bike. Team Manager Harald Eckl, who wouldn’t seemingly know how to get his own way like with the Japanese bosses, in stark contrast to Australian Jerry Burgess (Doohan and Rossi at Honda and now Yamaha with Rossi) who has always stood up and TOLD the bosses what is required for victory and then WON.

I’m still filthy about how Andrew Pitt got cut when he had been told he was a “required player”. Eckl got in fellow German Alex Hoffman who has made a fool of himself on a worldwide stage- hey if his team mate Shinya Makano can get on the front row of the grid and get a podium, then what the fuck is Alex doing down with the R1 road bike derived WCM’s? Fuckin’ joke.

And this year, it’s Troy Bayliss to get the arse for a poor performance on a pig-bike. Ducati have seen in all their wisdom to belt Troy. Hey, why not- he’s not European like his team mate Capirossi, so no harm done and Marlboro get their sacrificial lamb. I say enough people have been sacrificed by Marlboro cigarettes over the years…

So I am calling for heads to roll inside Ducati. Start with Corrado Cecchinelli – Technical Director. He has been unable to produce a competative machine- for either rider. The constant changes from twin pulse to four pulse and back has left them with so little usable data that they look more like the Proton KR team than the once proud Ducati Corse team. Others should face the chop, but they won’t.

In short – it’s a fucking disgrace and I will be making a few choice signs to hold up at Phillip island*.

In 2003 Australia had three riders in MotoGP(Pitt, McCoy, Bayliss). In 2004 Troy Bayliss was th only full timer with cameos from Pitt and McCoy.

Next year…?

* I have no idea yet what this will entail. rest assured it will be biting, funny and ironic as hell.

SMH: Ducati cast Bayliss into wilderness

…and Justice For All

Yet another letter to the papers. See articles at bottom for background.

A tale of two countries and of justice gone mad.

An American alcoholic kills a fellow American on The Great Ocean road while drunk. His defence counsel asks for a non custodial term because “jail in a foreign country would be harder for his client.” This seems to ignore that he killed someone. Not deliberate, but killed nonetheless.

David Hicks has been in a jail cell for much of the day for several years without charge and certainly without consideration of how hard jail in a foreign country would be for him. Now charges have been brought and they do not include killing an American (or any other person for that matter), yet he may face more years in this inhuman place whether found guilty or not.

The Age: Drunk, jet-lagged driver killed tourist

The Age: Not guilty, sir, declares David Hicks

The Age – Editorial- The charges against David Hicks

Herald Sun: Andrew Bolt

Street drags claim more lives

Two more dead after street racing. This time in St Kilda. No suprises, but ignorant views from people who know a bit about cars and accidents but fuck all about youth culture prompted me to write this letter to The Age. See the article link for what happened and for the comment by Terry House.

Terry House of the of the Teenagers Road Accident Group [The Age 6/10] says that passengers should speak out when they are in a car with a dangerous driver.

The culture of the “Chapel st cruze” set does not include this sort of responsible beahviour. One must understand that the passengers are more often the reason the driver goes too far- be it showing off to mates or indeed reacting to encouragement.

Predictably, after an accident involving young drivers and their passengers, society points the blame at the drivers and heaven help the driver that lives when the passengers die. It is my belief that the blame should be shared when the same mindset is shared by all in the car. One nights passenger is the next nights driver.

Yes it is sad when these young fellas die. But to hang the driver is to assume the others were forced at gunpoint into the car. Hey you buy a ticket you take the ride.

If it wasn’t dangerous, if there wasn’t a chance they could die, they wouldn’t do it.

The Age: St Kilda speed strip claims two young lives

Knifey, you fuckin…. idiot

So much effort for a small issue.

But hell, good for him!

ACDC lane has opened here in M-Town. Well not so much opened, but has been renamed. But Knifeyard, long time Melbourne music about town guy decided that the sign did not have the requisite lightning bolt like ACDC should have…

Before:

After:



See also his page at:

Knifey’s Blog

I’m sure there’s a logical explanation. I just don’t have it..

AN adult sex toy shut down a key regional airport for almost an hour today when it was mistaken for a bomb, Queensland police said.

The vibrating object was discovered at Mackay Airport by a security officer who noticed the suspicious package inside a rubbish bin at the terminal cafeteria at 9.15am (AEST), a police spokeswoman said.

Cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant said her staff had been cleaning tables when they noticed a strange humming noise coming from the rubbish bin.

“It was rather disconcerting when the rubbish bin started humming furiously,” she said.

“We called security and next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out.”

…she said in retrospect the humming sounded exactly like a vibrator – but it was better to be safe then sorry.

“You can’t afford to take chances,” Ms Bryant said.

Pardon me? in retrospect the humming sounded exactly like a vibrator I’m sorry, but just how does a vibrator sound in a bin? Like a frog in a sock? Like a duck farting in long grass? huh?

Of course, well all know from Fight Club that vibrating luggage is a no no:

JACK (V.O.) How I came to live with Tyler is: airlines have this policy about vibrating luggage.

INT. BAGGAGE CLAIM AREA – NIGHT

Utterly empty of baggage. No people except for Jack and a SECURITY TASK FORCE MAN. The Security TFM, smirking, holds a receiver to his ear from an official phone on the wall.

SECURITY TFM (to Jack)

Throwers don’t worry about ticking. Modern bombs don’t tick.

JACK

Excuse me? “Throwers?”

SECURITY TFM

Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, the throwers have to call the police.

JACK

My suitcase was vibrating?

SECURITY TFM

Nine time out of ten, it’s an electric razor. But, every once in a while …

(whispers) …it’s a dildo. It’s airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We use the indefinite article: “A dildo.” Never “Your dildo.”

Herald Sun- But it’s not my bag baby!!

Oh no you bloody don’t!

The Age had the following story that left me HORRIFIED!

Motorcycle racing world champion Valentino Rossi has been linked to formula one icon Ferrari amid talk that teams will have to field three cars each next year.

Ferrari president Luca di Montezemolo believes that Rossi, who is on his way to a fourth straight MotoGP world title, could team well with Michael Schumacher and Rubens Barrichello.

Talk about desperate! F1 is soooo damn boring that they have to look to other sports (as MotoGp essentially is) for personalities. Expect to see Dennis Rodman, Jason Akermanis, Barry Bonds, David Beckham and Brian Lara all try out soon!

Essentially F1’s problems are:

There is more passing and excitement in a lap of 125 GP racing than a year of F1. Seriously. To win in F1 you have to pit at a time that gives you clear track ahead, then lap consistently well until the next pit, at which time you might find yourself in the lead. Whopee do.

If they want to make F1 intersting, here’s thomasr’s guide: